Dating 101

We all remember in young women's having the lesson on marriage. Your leader would give you a piece of paper and you would write qualities that you wanted your future husband to have. Some of the things on the list were things like funny, smart, kind, patient, strong testimony, return missionary, etc. As we grew up we looked for a man who had the qualities on our checklist. Some having a harder time than others to find the perfect man. This approach to dating can cause heartache to many people. There becomes this pressure to find the one and get married off. Elder Bednar has said this about this approach

"This "list" is not for evaluating someone else --the list is for you and what you need to become. And so if there are three primary characteristics that you hope to find in an eternal companion, than those are the three things you ought to be working to become. Then you will be attractive to someone who has those things... You become what you hope your spouse will be like and you'll have a greater likelihood of finding that person."

Make sure you become the type of person that is ready for a marriage. Finding Mr. Right shouldn't be your primary focus, but you should be working towards becoming the type of person that Mr. Right wants to marry. 

When searching for an eternal companion there are 3 key things to remember in your search, 1) when they should seek to get married 2) whom they should seek and 3) how to date in ways that form eternal marriages. 

When- There is a stereotype around the world that if you are Mormon girl you should be married at 18 or 19. This stereotype can create a sense of rushing as well as an issue to women who don't get married till later. There is no right age to get married. It's different for every person and it should be a decision  between you and the Lord. Being patient and trusting the Lord's timing can sometimes be a hard thing. But by being patient and trying to prepare yourself for marriage the Lord will bless you. Some people are so consumed by the pressure of getting married that they hinder their opportunity. When I met Nick, I thought he was the best. He was everything I thought I wanted in a husband but I just didn't have those kinds of feelings. We were close friends for a year and a half. I made him wait a year and a half before he ever even made a move! What a guy huh!? There was lots of things that I needed to figure out before I was suppose to marry Nick. I'm grateful that Nick knew to trust in the Lord's timing. We both know that we were suppose to be together when we were and we wouldn't change our story. 

Who- We live in the world of finding our soul mates. We won't get married until we've met our soul mates. The term soul mates creates an unrealistic expectation on marriage. Now believe me, I think Nick is totally the one for me but we don't have a perfect relationship. We do know though that we are eternal companions and that we will have to be constantly working on our relationship. "While soul mates are found, eternal companions are chosen and made. Two people become uniquely suited for each other as they go through the experience of life together and learn to adapt and grow in ways that make them better fit with their spouse". I think that some people are becoming too picky. There are many very worthy men and women who you could be extremely happy with if you are willing to do your part to create a happy marriage.  

How- The how of dating has drastically changed in recent times. People no longer go on dates, they just hang out. This isn't creating an environment for the discussions that dating should bring. Prophets and apostles have taught that the proper steps in dating are Traditional dating-Exclusive dating - Engagement. 

All too often young people skip the traditional dating and go ahead with exclusive dating and it creates problems after.  I fully understand that for girls this is a difficult stage because its the boys responsibility to ask. As much as I needed the time before I married Nick the silly boy never ask me out either. It's my hope that more young men will strive to follow this counsel and GO on dates. The importance of following this structure will greatly bless the lives of generations to come. 

"As today's young adults prepare for eternal marriages, they must have faith that God will help them become ready for marriage, find a wonderful person, and establish a happy family--in His way and in His time."