Fighting for Families

Even more present today the world and society are attacking the family. People are trying to change everything about marriage. Guys marrying guys, changing the core of marriage. "Marriage between a man and women is ordained of God."  They are destroying the sanctity of life as well as disregarding the obligation to bear children. "God's commandment to multiply and replenish the world remains in force."   Satan has started the war against family and it's our duty to defend our values. We need to not only live the values that the Proclamation teaches but also share them with the world.

As this semester is coming to an end, I feel extremely blessed for all the lessons I've learned. I feel like I have grown and gained so much knowledge of my Heavenly Fathers plan for me. I look forward to the future as we start our family. Being a mother is my divine destiny and I'm so thankful that the Lord as entrusted me with this. 

Family is everything!

I know as we strive to keep the commandments and use the guidelines that the proclamation gives us we will be blessed. We need more righteous families in this world today. We need people to stand up for families.

Trials

We are placed on this earth to be tried and tested to prove our faithfulness. At times this can honestly be kind of suckish (I'm sure that's a word) but as we strive to not only keep the commandment but find the good in our trials the Lord will bless and help us.

Before Nick and I got married we had never gotten in a "fight." I put the word fight in quotations because we really don't have any huge blow ups just little disagreements here and there.  Everyone warned us about how much you would fight in your first year of marriage, I thought this was totally silly because we never fought, so why would we start. I soon realized that I was wrong, We would disagree and get in argument nearly everyday.
I felt horrible.
I felt like a terrible wife.
I knew that I was suppose to be with Nick and knew marriage was right for us but why was it so hard.

Satan was trying to tear apart my marriage before we had even started.
Satan hates happy couples.
He hates happy marriages.
He wants nothing more than to see our marriage fail.


40-50% of marriages in the United States end in Divorce.
 There are necessary reasons for divorce but I also believe people are using divorce as an easy excuse to escape tough trials.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks has provided this much needed counsel,
" Now I speak to married members, especially to any who may be considering divorce. I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problem, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation, but reformation."

People don't take a minute to look for ways to fix their marriage, instead they look for the way out. We must always be striving to better ourselves so we can better our marriage. I wrote about ways to Save your marriage everyday here..
I know that marriage can be hard, I've experienced it first hand, but when we look to the Lord for guidance and direction,  he will bless you and help strengthen your marriage. I'm so grateful that I have a husband who is willing to work and figure things out.

I have often heard the quote, 

"Trials can either make you bitter or better"

How true is this statement. We should be always looking for ways to better ourselves through our trials. Trials will always come but through Christ we can ALWAYS overcome them together.

The Family that Plays together, Stays together.

Wholesome family activities, The very thing you dreaded when you were a child. As soon as your mom would say, "we are gonna spend some quality time as a family," everyone would run. Now that I'm older and "wiser'" ;) I would say that I cherish family time more and more. There is nothing I love more than being with family. It's a time where you grow closer and build the bonds that can last throughout eternity.
I think there is a misconception about what counts as "Wholesome" family activities. People believe that for something to be wholesome that it has to be religion based or centered. None of which are bad and can be very beneficial to a family, but I believe any activity where the spirit can be present or felt can and should be considered as wholesome. There are many things to do and see in the world today. They don't always have to be just "playing" either, working together can bring so many blessing into our families and teach us many things. "Family work provides endless opportunities to recognize and fill others' needs. It thus teaches us to love and serve one another, inviting us to become like Jesus Christ." 
By doing things together our bonds will be closer and our love will grow deeper. Something that my family does is try to get together every Sunday for dinner. We hangout, visit, and usually end up baking something. It doesn't have to be big or extravagant. Now that we are all older we have started having a family garden where we all help and work together then get the benefits of a garden in the fall.  My family enjoys snowmobiling together in the winter. Its something that we enjoy doing and love getting to spend that time together. Nick and I have been having a fire at least once a week and have been loving it! It gives us time to talk and really listen to one another its something I really enjoy

What are some things that your family likes to do together? Take the time and plan something! Set a goal and work towards it together! Play and laugh. Because we all have heard the saying,

 "The Family that plays together stays together."

How to Save your Marriage everday.

In every marriage there is gonna be disagreements. There are gonna be times where you just aren't getting along, you're fighting, or you're upset. But these aren't the times for giving up, this is the time where you save your marriage. I believe there are two things that you can do to make your marriage work.
1. Pray together
2. Forgive often and quickly

Pray together

 Praying together invites our Heavenly Father into our marriage. 

We have all seen this diagram with a triangle that shows husband and wife two bottom corners and the tip of the triangle says God. As we strive to become closer with our Father in heaven, we become closer as husband and wife. It makes our bond as husband and wife closer as we pray together and for each other. 

I saw this picture on Pinterest and I think its totally true.  I have seen how praying has blessed my marriage especially on days where we might have a disagreement. If we take our burdens or issues to the Lord he will direct and help us through them. 

President Henry B Eyring stated, 

"Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion."

As we strive to pray daily as couples and as a family then we will be blessed and become closer. 

           

Forgive often and quickly 

There is always going to be some sort of disagreement, issue, or problem. They don't always have to be something big. Sometimes I'm just grumpy, but the most important thing to do is forgive & move on.

As we strive to look past imperfections and remember our love for each other we can forgive quickly. This also means you need to say you're sorry a lot. When you have done or said something that has hurt your relationship, be quick to say you're sorry and try to fix it.
Elder Joe Christensen has said,
"Be quick to say, “I’m sorry.” As hard as it is to form the words, be swift to say, “I apologize, and please forgive me,” even though you are not the one who is totally at fault. True love is developed by those who are willing to readily admit personal mistakes and offenses." 

I believe that by doing these two things we can save our marriage everyday. We need to be constantly working on our relationship so that it can stand against all the trials that will come. If we work as a team with the Lord and strive to always forgive, the Lord will bless us and we will be happy. 

In honor of Dads

Since Fathers day was this past weekend I'm going to write a little bit about my dad and the amazing man that he is. My dad has always been a great example of what a father should be. In the Proclamation to the Family it says,

"Fathers are to preside over the family in love and righteousness, and to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families." 

My dad went above and beyond the call of duty. I'm pretty sure there was nothing he couldn't do. As you can tell I'm a huge fan of my dad. 

My dad has served in some sort of calling in the church since before I was born. I'm pretty sure I've only sat by him in church maybe twice in all my 21 years of life. He was always sharing his testimony or giving a talk somewhere. I love listening to my dad speak. The spirit he brings with him is one of love and compassion. He is diligent in fulfilling his callings and loves the people he serves with. He loves the Lord and this gospel and has always run a Christ centered home. He was there to provide needed counsel and fix any problem he could. My dad is an excellent example of how to love and serve one another. I'm so grateful that he showed me the way, not only in our home, but everywhere we went. 

 My dad is one of the hardest working guys I know. He busts his buns to make sure that we are taken care of. He knows the value of hard work and has instilled that into us. He is not one that you often find sitting and doing nothing or complaining. Although he is quite busy, he always had enough time for us. He never missed any of my volleyball games or cheer routines. He not only provided for us but was always present. I'm grateful for his hard work. I'm grateful for all that he has given me.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm a pretty big chicken but I always knew that my dad would protect me. He was constantly trying to protect me from the dangers of the world and the dangers of Satan. The rules and consequences that were in place in our home were in place to protect us from Satan's grasp. He knew that the gospel would keep us safe and taught it to us often. 

My dad fulfilled his duties as a Father in so many more ways. He was always there to tell us he loved us and wrap us in a hug. He has the biggest, kindest heart and would do anything for people. He loves the gospel and is the best example. I always knew that he would be there for me in any situation and would do everything he could do help me through. He's always there to make us laugh and make the day better. 

I am so blessed to have him as my dad. He is one of my best friends. Thanks for teaching me who I should be. I love you! 

Love, Limits, And Latitude

**I'm not a parent yet. I don't have a lot of experience in this area so a lot of this is going to come from the book. I'm not trying to tell anyone how to parent either. You need to make sure that you counsel with the Lord and do what's best for your kids and your family. **

 Active Parenting 

"Of all the joys of life, none other equals that of happy parenthood. Of all the responsibilities with which we struggle, none other is so serious. To rear children in an atmosphere of love, security, and faith is the most rewarding of all challenges. The good result from such efforts becomes life's most satisfying compensation."

Being active or authoritative parents is defined as a relationship that "fosters a positive emotional connection with children, provides for regulation that places fair and consistent limits on child behavior, and allows for reasonable child autonomy in decision making." Or in other words using Love, Limits, and Latitude. This parenting style is linked with children who are less likely to abuse drugs and children with less aggression. Children that are more friendly, accepted by peers, more communicative, self motivated, and are more willing to abide by the law. 

Love-

President Gordon B. Hinckley stated, "Every child is entitled to grow in a home where there is a warm and secure companionship, where there is love in the family relationship, where appreciation one for another is taught, and exemplified, and where God is acknowledged and His peace and blessings invoked before the family altar." 

I think this can be one of the easier tasks. You will love your children. Making sure you show them you love them is key. Making sure that you are not only their parent but their friend.  Ezra Taft Benson counseled, 

"Take time to be a real friend to your children. Listen to your children, really listen. Talk with them, laugh and joke with them, sing with them, play with them, cry with them, hug them, honestly praise them. Yes, regularly spend unrushed one-on-one time with each child. Be a real friend to your children."

This kind of relationship will create a bond between parents and kids that is less likely to be tested. Make sure that your family knows they are the highest priority. 

Limits

Finding ways to effectively help children learn how to regulate their own behaviors in non coercive ways. When to tighten or loosen the reins. We need to remember that all discipline or corrections should be motivated by a sincere interest in teaching children correct principles rather than to control or to vent anger.  Make sure that you are clear, firm and consistent in your rules and expectations. Set the limits as well as the consequences will help children regulate for themselves. When punishments  are needed D&C 121:43 teaches "showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved."  Make sure that you do what is best for you family and your children when it comes to punishment. Every family is different. Remember that by using appropriate punishments you are teaching your children simple truths such as love, respect, repentance, forgiveness, and compassion.  "As parents focus on emulating, teaching, and helping children internalize the eternal truths of the great plan of happiness, children will be more likely to embrace the correct principles of their parents."

Latitude 

Giving children the opportunity to make their own choices.  By giving  our children choices there is less of a sense of control and more of a sense of trust. When we teach our children gospel truths and give them an environment of love and support, they are more likely to learn how to make wiser choices. By trying to say yes more than we say no will help children know that we trust their decisions as well as emphasizing the importance of when we do say no. We don't want to force them into the right; we want them to choose the right. One of Heber J. Grants daughters said, "He was able somehow to motivate us to want to do the right thing rather than to be force to do it." 

"Act with faith; don't react with fear. When our teenagers begin testing family values, parents need to go to the Lord for guidance on the specific needs of each family member. This is the time for added love and support and to reinforce your teaching on how to make choices. It is frightening to allow our children to learn from the mistakes they may make, but their willingness to choose the Lord's way and family values is greater when the choice comes from within than when we attempt to force those values upon them. The Lord's way of love and acceptance is better than Satan's way of force and coercion, especially in rearing teenagers." 

  It's a mothers and fathers natural tendencies to want to protect their children. Haven't you ever heard of "Momma bear"? It can be a scary thing if we see our children heading down not so good paths but instead of forcing them back to the rod,  pray to Heavenly Father and seek his counsel on what to do.

This is totally Heavenly Fathers parenting style. He is such an active parent. He wants nothing more than for us to return and live with him. He Loves us so much that He sent His only begotten son to save our souls. He has given us limits to learn and to follow. They are clearly outlined and if we strive to follow them we will return to Him. He has given us complete Latitude of our lives. He knows that we must choose for ourselves the path that we are gonna choose.  He is the ultimate example of parenting. We must seek his counsel and strive more and more to be like Him.

It's my hope that someday Nick and I will be active parents. It's not an easy thing. It takes time and lots of work but it's so worth it. There will be no greater joy than being together forever with my family.

So look at yourself. What parts could you improve on? Ask the Lord for help and try to be better everyday. 

Moms

I think there is an overwhelming number of women in the world who have no desire to have children. They have chosen to spend their lives accomplishing something else. They believe that there is something greater out there than being a mom. They are wrong. There is no greater calling than that of motherhood. Being a Mom takes more from you than any other job but it's filled with the greatest rewards. Prophets have always emphasized the importance of motherhood.

First Presidency of the Church

"Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels." 

Spencer W. Kimball 

"Mothers have a sacred role. They are partners with God, as well as with their own husbands, first in the giving birth to the Lord's spirit children, and then in rearing those children so they will serve the Lord and keep his commandments."

In a talk given by Sheri Dew  "Are We all Not Mothers"   (I highly recommend reading it) she says the following,

"President Gordon B. Hinckley stated that “God planted within women something divine.” That something is the gift and the gifts of motherhood. Elder Matthew Cowley taught that “men have to have something given to them [in mortality] to make them saviors of men, but not mothers, not women. [They] are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls … and the regenerating force in the lives of God’s children.” 

Motherhood is not what was left over after our Father blessed His sons with priesthood ordination. It was the most ennobling endowment He could give His daughters, a sacred trust that gave women an unparalleled role in helping His children keep their second estate. As President J. Reuben Clark Jr. declared, motherhood is “as divinely called, as eternally important in its place as the Priesthood itself.” 

 

Being a Mom isn't going to be easy at times. It's going to take work, trust in the Lord, forgiveness, and lots of growth, but it's what we were made for. We were made to be Moms and the Lord has blessed us with the ability to do so. We need to trust in him and He will guide us through. I want to be a mother because I know my divine destiny.

"There is no work in which the Lord takes greater interest than in the nurturing and rearing of our children. Because of that, we can be assured that He will strengthen mothers in their holy calling. Truly, motherhood places her who honors its holy work next to the angels, for nothing could be of greater significance to God than the nurturing of His little ones--His precious children."

I'm so grateful for the great examples of mothers in my life. They have truly taught me who I am and the kind of mother I should be.
 
"All that I am, or hope to be, 
I owe to my angel Mother"

Dating 101

We all remember in young women's having the lesson on marriage. Your leader would give you a piece of paper and you would write qualities that you wanted your future husband to have. Some of the things on the list were things like funny, smart, kind, patient, strong testimony, return missionary, etc. As we grew up we looked for a man who had the qualities on our checklist. Some having a harder time than others to find the perfect man. This approach to dating can cause heartache to many people. There becomes this pressure to find the one and get married off. Elder Bednar has said this about this approach

"This "list" is not for evaluating someone else --the list is for you and what you need to become. And so if there are three primary characteristics that you hope to find in an eternal companion, than those are the three things you ought to be working to become. Then you will be attractive to someone who has those things... You become what you hope your spouse will be like and you'll have a greater likelihood of finding that person."

Make sure you become the type of person that is ready for a marriage. Finding Mr. Right shouldn't be your primary focus, but you should be working towards becoming the type of person that Mr. Right wants to marry. 

When searching for an eternal companion there are 3 key things to remember in your search, 1) when they should seek to get married 2) whom they should seek and 3) how to date in ways that form eternal marriages. 

When- There is a stereotype around the world that if you are Mormon girl you should be married at 18 or 19. This stereotype can create a sense of rushing as well as an issue to women who don't get married till later. There is no right age to get married. It's different for every person and it should be a decision  between you and the Lord. Being patient and trusting the Lord's timing can sometimes be a hard thing. But by being patient and trying to prepare yourself for marriage the Lord will bless you. Some people are so consumed by the pressure of getting married that they hinder their opportunity. When I met Nick, I thought he was the best. He was everything I thought I wanted in a husband but I just didn't have those kinds of feelings. We were close friends for a year and a half. I made him wait a year and a half before he ever even made a move! What a guy huh!? There was lots of things that I needed to figure out before I was suppose to marry Nick. I'm grateful that Nick knew to trust in the Lord's timing. We both know that we were suppose to be together when we were and we wouldn't change our story. 

Who- We live in the world of finding our soul mates. We won't get married until we've met our soul mates. The term soul mates creates an unrealistic expectation on marriage. Now believe me, I think Nick is totally the one for me but we don't have a perfect relationship. We do know though that we are eternal companions and that we will have to be constantly working on our relationship. "While soul mates are found, eternal companions are chosen and made. Two people become uniquely suited for each other as they go through the experience of life together and learn to adapt and grow in ways that make them better fit with their spouse". I think that some people are becoming too picky. There are many very worthy men and women who you could be extremely happy with if you are willing to do your part to create a happy marriage.  

How- The how of dating has drastically changed in recent times. People no longer go on dates, they just hang out. This isn't creating an environment for the discussions that dating should bring. Prophets and apostles have taught that the proper steps in dating are Traditional dating-Exclusive dating - Engagement. 

All too often young people skip the traditional dating and go ahead with exclusive dating and it creates problems after.  I fully understand that for girls this is a difficult stage because its the boys responsibility to ask. As much as I needed the time before I married Nick the silly boy never ask me out either. It's my hope that more young men will strive to follow this counsel and GO on dates. The importance of following this structure will greatly bless the lives of generations to come. 

"As today's young adults prepare for eternal marriages, they must have faith that God will help them become ready for marriage, find a wonderful person, and establish a happy family--in His way and in His time." 

There's No "I" in Team

We were put on this earth to find a team mate and go through this crazy game of life together. To make it through we must work together. Sometimes this is easier said than done. We must constantly be striving to become equal partners as husbands and wives. So what does that mean? I wash a dish, you wash a dish? As nice as that sounds it's not quite what the Lord has in mind.

The world sees equal as sameness. That if we aren't doing the exact same jobs then we aren't equal. We see this a lot through with the group "Ordain Women". They think that because they don't have the priesthood they don't have the same value as men. This is false and they don't understand their important role as women. In an article written by Linda & Richard Eyre about women and the priesthood they say about equality, 

"True equality comes only when we realize that two very different things can be precisely equal in importance, in beauty and in ultimate potential." 

The Proclamation says that the men are to provide, preside, and protect and that the women are to nurture. We have very different jobs and very different responsibilities so how are we to be equals in our marriages? I think this is the key to having equality in marriage. We need to look at different roles in our marriages and really appreciate the job that our spouse does. By showing that we truly are grateful for our spouse and their roles will create equality in a marriage. We both bring different things to a marriage and neither one is of greater value than the other. 

Christ shows the ultimate form of equality and love. He is our superior but he gave the ultimate sacrifice so we can someday become his equal; to gain all the power that he has.  We should be constantly trying to build up our spouse to be our equals not our inferiors. As we work together our lives will be blessed and we will be happier. Thinking more of our spouse and less of ourselves will cause for happy eternal families. 

The Family

So this semester I'm taking a class called The Family, its all about the Proclamation to the family and how to apply it to our lives now. We are supposed to do a project to share some of things we learn so I will be sharing some of those things on our blog. First, read through the Proclamation so you can refresh your mind on these eternal truths. 

This past week we have talked about marriage being ordained of God and how to build successful and happy marriages. A lot of the things I'm going to touch on come from a talk given by President Kimball called "Oneness in Marriage". I loved this talk and really think it has great insights. 

People too often think that you find prince charming and live happily ever after. This is the dream right? In a talk given by Spencer W. Kimball he said, 

"We have come to realize that the mere performance of a ceremony does not bring happiness and a successful marriage. Happiness does not come by pressing a button, as does the electric light; happiness is a state of mind and comes from within. It must be earned"

So i know what your thinking, that doesn't sound very enjoyable. He later goes on to say,"While marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive."

Getting married and gaining eternal life with our families should be the main goal while on this earth. Family is at the center of God's plan. It's why we were put on this earth and how we can return back to his presence. Elder Bednar has said, "Righteous marriage is a commandment and an essential step in the process of creating a loving family relationship that can be perpetuated beyond the grave". 

We came to this earth to gain our bodies and strive to return back to him. This can only be accomplished through marriage. 

So now I want to discuss ways to better our marriage. Ways to make our marriages happier. I think President Kimball said two very important things to remember when talking about becoming "Happier"

"Some think of happiness as a glamorous life of ease, luxury, and constant thrills; but true marriage is based on a happiness which is more than that, one which comes from giving, serving, sharing, sacrificing, and selflessness."

"it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price."

Remembering these statements is critical in understanding how to become happier. We must be willing to do our part to better the marriage. President Kimball gave these 4 steps that are key to successful marriages. 

1. There must be a proper approach towards the marriage 

This is something that is critical to do before you get married. You must both seek counsel from the Lord. Pray often to know what you should do. I know that this was a great source of comfort for both me and Nick when we were thinking about getting married. We both knew the importance of counseling with the Lord and we knew that he would guide us correctly. 

2. There must be complete unselfishness. 

I think people know this to an extent. We know that it's no longer about just me, but do you really show that? Do you put your spouses needs over your own? Do you put the needs of your family over your own? You must eliminate the "I" and "my" and switch them for "we" and "our"

3. There must be a continued courting and expressions of affection and kindness. 

President Kimball says in his talk that relationships are like flowers that you must always be giving them water to survive. Our relationships are constantly in need of nourishment. By doing this we keep our love alive. President Kimball said, "Certainly the foods most vital for love are consideration, kindness, thoughtfulness, concern, expressions of affection, embraces of appreciation, admiration, pride, companionship, confidence, faith, partnership, equality, and interdependence"  I think this step is often forgotten once couples are married. You must keep dating each other to make your marriage work. Compliment each other, leave love notes, surprise each other,  go on dates, go to the temple together, show that you care, and tell them that you love them everyday. 

4. You must be striving to live the commandments completely. 

By striving to keep the commandments you and your spouse will be blessed. As you come closer to Christ, you will become closer to each other. Living the gospel standards creates the ultimate happiness. Having a righteous family that will be together forever will create an everlasting happiness. 

 I know marriage can be hard and that we will always have trials but if we work together and use these tools we will have successful, happy, loving marriages.